You Can Heal Your Life – Chapter X

Chapter X   of  the famous book “You Can Heal Your Life”

handshaking 2


“All my relationships are harmonious.”

It seems all of life is relationships. We have relationships with everything. You are even having a relationship now with the book you are reading and with me and my concepts.

The relationships you have with objects and food and weather and transportation and with people all reflect the relationship you have with yourself. The relationship you have with yourself is highly influenced by the relationships you had with the adults around you as a child. The way the adults reacted to us is often the way we react toward ourselves now, both positively and negatively.

Think for a moment of the words you use when you are scolding yourself. Aren’t they the same words your parents used when they were scolding you? What words did they use when they praised you? I’m sure you use the same words to praise yourself.


Perhaps they never praised you, so then you have no idea how to praise yourself and probably think you have nothing to praise. I am not blaming our parents, because we are all victims of victims. They could not possibly teach you anything they did not know.

Sondra Ray, the great rebirther who has done so much work relationships, clams that every major relationship we have is a reflection of the relationship we had with one of our parents. She also claims that until we clean up that first one, we will never be free to create exactly what we want in relationships.


Relationships are mirrors of ourselves. What we attract always mirrors either qualities we have or beliefs we have about relationships. This is true whether it is a boss, a co-worker, an employee, a friend. A lover, a spouse or child. Things you don’t like about these people are either what you yourself do or would not do, or what you believe. You could not attract them or have them in your life if the way they are didin’t somehow complement your own life.

EXERCISE: Us Versus Them

Look for a moment at someone in your life who bothers you. Describe three things about this person you don’t like, things that you want him or her to change.

Now look deeply inside you and ask yourself, “Where am I like that, and when do I do the same things?”

Close your eyes and give yourself the time to do this.

Then ask yourself if you ARE WILLING TO CHANGE. When you remove these patterns, habits, and beliefs from your thinking and behavior, either the other person will change or he or she will leave your life.

If you have a boss who is critical and impossible to please, look within. Either you do that on some level or you have a belief that “bosses are always critical and impossible to please.”

If you have an employee who won’t obey or doesn’t follow through. Look to see where you do that and clean it up. Firing someone is too easy; it doesn’t clear your pattern

If there is a coworker who won’t cooperate and be part of the team, look to see how you could have attracted this. Where are you noncooperative?

If you have a friend who is undependable and lets you down, turn within. Where in your life are you undependable, and when do you let others down? Is that your belief?


If you have a lover who is cold and seems unloving, look to see if there is a belief within you that came from watching your parents in your childhood that says, “Love is cold and undemonstrative.”

If you have a spouse who is nagging and nonsupportive, again look to yhour childhood beliefs. Did you that way?

If you have a child who has habits that irritate you, I will grarantee that they are your habits. Children learn only by imitating the adults around them. Clear it within you, and you’ll find that they change automatically.

This is the only way to change others — change ourselves first. Change your patterns, and you will find that “they” are different, too.

Blame is useless. Blaming only gives away our power. Keep your power. Without power, we cannot make changes. The helpless victim cannot see a way out.

after marrige

Love comes when we least expect it, when we are not looking for it. Hunting for love never brings the right partner. It only creates longing and unhappiness. Love is never outside ourselves; love is within us.

Don’t insist that love come immediately. Perhaps you are not ready for it, or you are developed enough to attract the love you want.

Don’t settle for anybody just to have someone. Set your standards. What kind of love do you want to attract? List the qualities in yourself, and you will attract a person who has them.

You might examine what may be keeping love away. Could it be criticism? Feelings of unworthiness? Unreasonable standards? Movie star images? Fear of intimacy? A belief that you are unlovable?

Be ready for love when it does come. Prepare the field and be ready to nourish love. Be loving, and you will be lovable. Be open and receptive to love.



In the infinity of life where I am,

All is perfect, whole, and complete.

I live in harmony and balance with everyone I know.

Deep at the center of my being, there is an infinite well of love.

I now allow this love to flow to the surface.

It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness,

My very being, and radiates out from me in all directions

And returns to me multiplied.

The more love I use and give, the more I have to give.

The supply is endless.

The use of love makes me feel good;

It is an expression of my inner joy. I love myself;

Therefore, I take loving care of my body.

I lovingly feed it nourishing foods and beverages,

I lovingly groom it and dress it, and my body lovingly

Responds to me with vibrant health and energy.

I love myself; therefore, I provide for myself a comfortable home,

One that fills all my needs and is a pleasure to be in.

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So that all who enter, myself included, will feel this love

And be nourished by it.

I love myself; therefore, I work at a job I truly enjoy doing,

One that uses my creative talents and abilities,

Working with and for people I love and who love me,

And earning a good income.

I love myself; therefore, I behave and think in a loving way

To all people for I know that which I give out

Returns to me multiplied.

I only attract loving people in my world,

For they are a mirror of what I am.

I love myself; therefore, I forgive and totally release the past

And all past experiences, and I am free.

I love myself; therefore, I live totally in the now,

Experiencing each moment as good and knowing that my future

Is bright and joyous and secure,

For I am a beloved child of the Universe,

And the universe lovingly takes care of me

now and forever more. All is well in my world.


Here ends Chapter X of the book “You Can Heal Your Life”


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